Die Young and Save Yourselves
Hey, stranger.
Long time no see. I miss this blog. I really do.
Still have all my followers as well. Strange.
So things have been up and down. For a moment, a very, very brief moment, life was fucking fantastic. Then, it all came crashing down. Not even my life, but everyone’s lives around me. I feel responsible for a lot that has happened. People tell me not to be, and they tell me that I’m way too insecure. That I have no self confidence. I really don’t. I seriously feel like everyone. Everyone. Is beginning to hate me. If they already hate me, then now they hate me more. I feel like I’m this terrible fucking person. Everywhere I go. I still think of death sometimes, but now when I think of it, I’m afraid. If I die now, that means hurting way more people than before. Now, things are more serious.
I also decided that I hate myself. I hate the way I look, act, talk, think, feel, and how I’m perceived. I hate where I am. I hate what I do every day. It’s time that I change it all. I change my attitude, my style, and my location. It’s kind of like dying, but without the endless sleep. I’ll be like a phoenix, being reborn…. Again. I tend to get this way quite a bit.
Holy fuck. I am a ridiculously selfish person.
I really want to talk to you but don’t know how to sound like anything but a bore.
So today, since you are away, I received a phone call this morning from you. It was a nice little wake up call, to be honest. Then after I showered and did the whole holiday thing, you and I Skyped for a few minutes. It was nice seeing your face, though it’s only been a couple of days since I have last actually seen you. That made my entire day, especially when you said I have a cute smile.
You better look out, girl, because I am really falling for you. Every word you say, every smile, every story, every breath you take is making me want you more.
This is very difficult for me.
That’s life for you, kids.
When you’re talking to the girl you like, and she starts talking about the guy she likes. I just really want you. I don’t want to get in the friend zone.
If you know anyone who’s depressed or just feeling down, talk to them and let them know how much they mean to you.
(Source: mrityormamritamgamaya)
Strange.
I met someone. Someone beautiful and amazing. Though she has no idea how I’m beginning to feel, as for she is in love with someone else. Oh, so cliche. This feeling is a terrible one. It aches.
I will keep this short.
Life’s too short to even care at all.
I was informing this to my mum yesterday after I came home and she accused me of drinking and driving, when I didn’t. She was screaming at me about how unhappy she is, how she hates every single one of us, and how she wants to move away. I told her that she can just leave if she wants to. She is retired and has a second home. She can rent this one out and leave. I told her she could have left years ago. She never tries, she just dreams and it frustrates me. I was telling her that she has complete control over her life, and she chooses if she is happy or not. She chose this lifestyle and continually chooses daily to be unhappy with everything she has. She actually is a very blessed woman.
After that episode, I was once again informed it is time for me to leave. Every time I do attempt this, however, she tells me how I will not be able to move out and that I will fail.
Well, mum, be warned that I will be moving out the beginning of next year. The lease will be signed next weekend.
I want drugs.
Lots of drugs. Many different variations of drugs. I want them. I want to sit in a room with them and never leave. Just get high all the time. Sobriety fucking sucks.
It’s not too much to ask.
I just want some affection. To feel something, anything at all. I’m changing things so I can be a better person, but no matter how much I change about me, I’ll never change what’s around me. I’ll still feel alone. I’m just finding new ways to cope with it.
I’m tired of being alone.
I admire them so much. During Episode 6, Naomi’s episode, I was in tears. Full on bawling.
